I have a heavy heart tonight.
I've once again fallen victim to a military-spouse-no-no and gotten my heart wrapped around the possibility of moving to exactly where I want to be.
A place with friends.
I've once again fallen victim to a military-spouse-no-no and gotten my heart wrapped around the possibility of moving to exactly where I want to be.
A place with friends.
A place with an incredible Christian school for our eldest.
But mostly, a place that wouldn't be filled with new beginnings, as we have lived there once before and positively loved it.
A 75% chance of receiving that dream and I allowed my heart to soar.
I know I'm a military spouse and that should lend itself to the desensitized familiarity of the ever present change....but the cold reality is that it's not so much that we grow into accomplished movers, but that we allow a part of us to grow numb.
We close our hearts to friendships the last year of our stay.
We close our hearts to friendships the last year of our stay.
We start allowing relationships to drift the last 6 months.
We've learned to do otherwise is just too unbearably painful.
14 years of marriage has brought 9 restarts.
9 new cities, road maps, churches, activities, friends.....the heart grows weary.
We've learned to do otherwise is just too unbearably painful.
14 years of marriage has brought 9 restarts.
9 new cities, road maps, churches, activities, friends.....the heart grows weary.
Tonight my husband called to share that our 75% may have dissolved to a 5%.
Tomorrow I will summon the strength to let the dream fade...
Tomorrow I will summon the strength to let the dream fade...
but tonight, there are tears of disappointment.
"He makes springs pour water into the ravines; it flows between the mountains." Psalm 104:10
"He makes springs pour water into the ravines; it flows between the mountains." Psalm 104:10
1 comment:
I so know the feeling. We by all means never moved as much as you all, but each move was hard. This one was 1 hour away and I sometimes think it was the hardest of all...weird, I know. I think it was leaving behind all the memories of the girls more than the friendships. Leaving the last place, they both knew as home. And meeting people over here has been a challenge.
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